Broke my phone, have no voice AND I was blackout by 3 p.m...I'm betting I had a great time.
Bel-fucking-mar, this place has more popped collars than a Hollister catalog
Oh. My. God. Best non-relationship, he-might-be-cheating-on-his-boyfriend-but-I-can't-tell-because-of-the-language-barrier sex EVER!
Two grown ass men just come into the bar riding humongous tricyles
Tequila is the liquid version of celery. I lose more calories during tequila drunk and the following sexual activities than I gain by drinking it...
I just woke up in his house on his bathroom floor with an IV in my arm.
hes the hot one from work who thought i was dead after my party
Ok, gonna go sleep cuz my brain wants to be smart and not follow my pussy into the danger zone
you are going to have to live with the consequences, i'm going to fuck your sister
Almost just bought a peacock. I need to get off Craigslist
seriously, i never want to drink Robitussin again. her face was melting as i tried to convince her i wasnt high and i probably would have fucked ray. his parents thought i was a sweet charming lesbian.
This is why you are not allowed out in public.
Know what the best part of waking up for work after a drinking vacation is? It's an easy question. Nothing. Nothing is the best part of that.
apparently my buddy was fucking on our couch downstairs so i decided it was necessary to walk downstairs naked in a hockey mask.
It's not my fault you decided to fall in love with a Frodo Baggins lookalike
We need to step in, this can't continue. The guy she went home with last night looked exactly like Count Olaf, right down to the unibrow.
Which version tho, Jim Carrey or Neil Patrick Harris?
THAT DOESN'T FUCKING MATTER, YOU DON'T FUCK COUNT OLAF!!!
Randomize
