why wash my dick in the morning if you're not there to suck it?
stalking is really helping my grade.. I followed him to a review session tonight
don't get me wrong, i love how you're fun and free spirited. but there are some situations...like shooting down a bottle of sambuca standing in the shallow end topless surrounded by my friends
He just stabbed two olives and a pickle with a fork and deep throated it in front of my family
Not even marginally surprised
No amount of marijuana is enough to justify blood on my ceiling
He wasn't lying when he said he was immune to pepperspray. He pretended it burned for like 12 seconds and told the cops he was kidding he was alright. We'll be there soon.
Don't come. It's not even a party it's a total sausage fest. Like 20 drunk dudes in a bedroom. We can still drink by ourselves though it'll be ok
found a better reason to procrastinate than the usual sunday-don't-give-no-fucks. literally every one of my textbooks is soaked in captain. can't turn a page without gagging.
We were destined to go to rehab together
I don't see how you can turn down creme brulee and orgasms
Phil and I agree that the level of sand in your vagina rivals that of many of the earth's largest deserts
I was stuffing my vagina with gummy bears last night having him eat them out of me. Team Haribo for the win!
The cop told me I was the prettiest guy he'd arrested in a while. I'm still not sure if it was a come on or not.
Don't worry I sent a creepy stalker message to a guy I slept with 6 years ago, Sunday Funday rock bottom
Fun fact: deep throating plus dehydration plus eating a lot of citrus = my throat is fucked. Metaphorically and physically.
Randomize
