I'm still drunk from last night...I walked out for a cigarette with one of the Janitors here and apparently someone took a shit on the stairs...Which makes me wonder...was that me?
Bought a water-proof vibrator. Rubber ducky is no longer the one that makes bathtime so much fun.
Horrible. I told her my girlfriend is in the hospital and she tried to give me a lapdance.
I thought you should know that there is a scientific law stating that when there is booze, people talk about your dick.
I don't mean to complain but you could have done a better job of keeping me alive last night
He went 'unicorn hunting' and lost a fight with a fence. That's how he ended up in the ER.
View of Vancouver Bay is obscured though the greasy hand prints from fucking against the window. Tip maid well.
My therapist keeps stopping to ask what 'hooking up' means
ITS ORAL SEX CAROL
I believe in using alcohol to heal from the inside. Not as a topical solution.
I'm gonna send you a dick pic now just so your uncomfortable at work
It's like my uterus needs a hug... and anti depressants
You just missed an honest to god bukkake
THAT'S MY GIRL
KICKING BUT AND GETTING PEOPLE INTOXICATED
My ex gave me head because she said she didn't enough when we were dating... Best ex ever? I think yes.
How did I end up with the cock ring?!
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