The two bassists just totally made out. I NEED MENNA'S RIGHT now.
My cardio has turned into running out of the cold from bar to bar.
I was gonna make fun of her but that plan kinda stopped once she put my dick in her mouth
didn't know how to tell his mom I was confused about how long we'd been together because we banged for a full year before making it official
i dont think duct tape can fix my g spot
lets call myth busters
My girlfriend was pissed, so if I had to guess, i'd say I had a GREAT time last night
the elusive kegmastree, who's mystery is only exceeded by it's power
Yes, I did know where her mouth had been, but frankly I think it was a lesson you needed to learn.
I feel like someone had their period in my eyes.
I'm sorry I got a little outta control last night.
Oh my fucking god, I was conceived on the first date.
I checked her ID this morning. Lets just say...she's older than my mom
I just woke up butt-naked in bed with a guy I've never seen..I reached into my bag next to the bed to get my phone and found a bag of shrooms, a handle of vodka, and 600 dollars that I've never seen. what do I do
enjoy it.
if you're wondering why I texted you some girl's name at 4 am it's because you wanted to Facebook stalk the girl who gave that Irish guy we met at the Chinese food place her license and said 'call me'
He doesn't wear a seatbelt. He votes Republican. He has a small dick. That house of cards just fell apart.
She looked up and said "I like this." I asked "what do you like?" she said "penis."
Randomize
