Dude, she had a vegina. I felt like Indiana Jones cutting a path through the jungle.
he asked me what things i liked that he did in bed, and i told him all the things i hated so he would use it on that new bitch and she wouldnt hook up with him anymore.
you for real need to get over him dude
It's chlamydia! Thank God!
Some drunk couple just made out on the sidewalk and it reminded me some sweet moments we have shared...
you know you made out with my sister while holding Ur girlfriends hand while she was puking in the toilet right
Dude, someone broke the toilet seat in two, the is a pair of panties on the kitchen counter, and the entire house smells like a brewery
I mean...he was throwing up for almost 3 consecutive hours. I don't think there's a chance in hell that would have tasted even close to tolerable.
After arriving 30 minutes late, he slowly walked to his desk and halfway there he just falls over like a tree and passes out. I now have some sort of proof as to how awesome that night was.
I don't go out. I live in my room watching Bridget Jones and thanking my vibrator for existing.
He told me if he passed out to wake him by sitting on his face, and if he suffocated at least he would die happy. Found the one.
I changed his name in my phone to "Irrelevant" last night. Not changing it back.
Tonight was a total waste of a shaved vagina
I have to stay away from bourbon. Despite what it keeps telling me, it is NOT my friend.
Mimosas make me so tired. I just ordered a huge thing of pasta and gonna eat it in my underwear like a bad bitch
I thought I was drunk because I kept grabbing his arm instead of his dick
But then I realized it wasn’t his arm and that I was very lucky
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