I told her the white crusty stuff on my boxers was frosting not cum. She seemed MORE grossed out then
I'm on the bus and the homeless person in the seat to my left is jacking off to a cartoon picture he found. He's now cleaning up with mitten I dropped.
tip of the day : never have sex with a full bladder. it WILL lead to complications and a very unhappy partner.
you haven't felt a hangover until you wake up after a night of snorting tequila.
i just opened a seperate checking account to keep track of how much i make and spend on our keggers
Apparently 'she used to sleep with my brother' is not an acceptable answer to how do you know each other.
You would think that someone would have been sober enough to object to vodka bong races.
Come down. You're the next contestant on this bowl.
Apparently we both projectiled on Erin at the same time.
That's some true roommate bonding right there.
Drinking games this Saturday as usual although the ice cube tray game is banned due to last weeks incident
I don't want to ruin date night, but you have no idea how hard it is to poop whilst looking at cute puppies.
That was the night, like, my hair caught on fire...
My gynecologist just said "don't worry, this won't be as hard as…well…" A FUCKING SEX JOKE NO
I feel like I have a very capable uterus.
I should get an "I gave blood today" type of sticker, but instead it would say "I went balls deep today"
Randomize
