$3 wine plus diet sprite does not make good champagne.
does taste better than andre tho
I think my penis and your vagina just became best friends last night.
stayed up to watch the sunrise..saw an albino taking shots on the quad..it's like there's a whole new world of people out there just waiting to meet us
Dude you can't just initiate a threesome via twitter
Dude how the fuck are we gonna get the lawnmower outta the pool?
all i remember was you yelling "look at my little feet" at everyone on the way home from the bar.
I'm watching my cat lick a used condom wrapper on my nightstand and I'm too hungover to move and do anything about it. Tequila Tuesdays can not be a thing.
I just found those cheese sticks in my purse. Along with a handful of confetti.
I told her we had to stay at the bar until at least midnight because that's when my direct deposit hit, don't tell me i'm not responsible
I AM GONNA CUM EVERYWHERE TONIGHT BRO.
Howd it go?
Well we had the "no we're not fucking on the porch" conversation but then we totally fucked on the porch. So I'd say alright.
I have standards. Maybe not when it comes to men.. but definitely when it comes to sex
can you tell me why i woke up in a diaper and combat boots?
So far 2 of my professors caught me looking at their dicks
The blunt fell in the hottub, i mean i knew she was upset but i didnt expect her to dive for it and come up balling her eyes out...
Randomize
