Turns out he's not gay. He just didn't know how else to say he's not into me. He just hit on my sister.
So.. My internet got red-flagged at work because i did a search on "midigit strippers las vegas" This may be hard to explain...
I got a lot accomplished today, and the day is still young! I built a fort, hot boxed a fort, had a tea party in a fort, and now realizing how high I am.
Just had perfomance review. I was told the best example of my integrity was when I told my boss I was going to fail the random drug test due to my weekend coke binge. She said that took a lot of character.
I'm too hungover to be in a fucking cow suit right now
I fed the cats at 7 am, made her eggs, gave her oral, and now I'm helping her clean and baking her brownies. Cosmos got nothing on me.
broke the door off of my fridge tryin to have a indoor rodeo
I'm too afraid that I'm 1. Banned or 2. Gonna be noticed by the lady bouncer I punched.
i feel like i got punched in the cervix. he's a little different in bed than i thought he would be..
Who the fuck did i sell my right shoe to last night i need to get that back im not walking with one shoe on
I shouldn't be that hard, but i cant exactly put "a guy to tie me up and fuck me and then brush my hair" in my dating profile
My roommates said duck dynasty was stupid ... toto i don't believe we're in kansas anymore.
Let's be real. I'm the Usain Bolt of running away after hookups. Fastest (wo)man alive.
I am the oldest one here and I STILL feel like I need an adult. help.
the man at taco bell in the drive thru window tried to sell me his mix tape
his single is called “stick some holes in it”
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