i am sick of getting naked and seeing how fat i am.
Penelope Cruz needs to learn American words.
I'm on my "fiiiiirrrst" glass of wine- the quotes mean it's the last of the bottle- so I really need you to pick up your phone so we can talk about this
Accidently said "your going to hurt the baby" when he got forceful with his thrusts. I guess I forgot to mention to him that we are pregnant.
I swear to god, if you fuck the hot one you're paying me back for the shot I just bought her
Dylan just paid 30 bucks to have himself wrapped in the clear plastic they wrap luggage in at the airport. Bring scissors.
Oh that's what I forgot last night.. To make out with her.
Can you explain to me why there are fake boobs glued on my chest?
The boys wrestled in the living room for the last condom while the girls chanted, "THE LAST MELON."
with hottub sex, handcuffs, Pocahontas themed lap dances, and eating pumpkin pie off each other, I'm gonna say thanksgiving will be a success ;)
Watching the Walking Dead, snuggled up naked, and drinking a beer. No better way.
If ever there was a tweet to describe your life, it's this.
Idk maybe I'll talk to him once he gets out of jail just to yell at him and get my strawberry ice cream back.
What's worse having drunken sex with hot married man or breaking the diet one week in?
How do you teach a grown ass men how to fuck? Why is good sex so hard to find these days?
He nicknamed his dick "the fountain of youth" I think it's time to move on...
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