The world needs more lipstick lesbians, if anything.
I just masturbated mid-day, thinking of you
I think that is one of the most romantic things I have ever heard from a fuck buddy on v-day, there is a strong possibility that you will soon be my girlfriend.
my hippie aunt just sent me some brownies with a note saying not to eat them under any circumstances until finals are over. excited.
Before he took off his pants he paused and said, "Remember..sometimes great things come in small packages."
no more heavy drinking durning the lady that cleans the office told me i have to emtpy my own thrash if i puke in it
i think he just broke into a bike shop his last text said something about hiding in some tree
this is not the first time I've had hot dogs and 151 for thanksgiving.
FRIENDSHIP PRAYER: May the crabs of 1,000 whores infest the crotch of the person who fucks up your day
I told my doctor about us having twin chlamydia
Im glad the only reason we got out of bed today was to get Halloween candy on sale.
I never actually go in the club. I get in line, hit on a chick, and convince her to come drink all she wants for free at my house.
In 18 months of being married we've had sex with 7 different couples. Who said you can't have your cake and eat it.
why is there glitter IN my vagina????
You know that text I sent you last night at 2? That was 5 minutes before I ran face first into a wall of not okay
It feels like heartburn in my lungs. I'll buy 2 pounds.
Randomize
