i just fingered the ice cream at home instead of getting a spoon
been there done that
i looked at dads computer and apparently he was looking at job ads on craigslist and the only one clicked that turned purple said "GET PAID TO MASTURBATE"
I didn't join FB to see my only child straddle that boy in all her pictures.
My mom just informed me that my dog licks their toes while her and my dad are having sex. I'm apartment searching.
I feel like our bond is deeper now that we're both sleeping with married men. now we're really bffls
i pounded out a 17-yr-old on saturday night
no, that is not a typo
i turned her down on fri night, googled the state consent laws & then caved on saturday
2 things. 1. I just gave her a 6 hour long marathon fucking for America. 2. Thought of a new invention halfway through, and it's flawless.
Btw after this weekend the chipndales costume has a 125% success rate.
I've decided I want to blow you wearing a santa hat.
Aren't rabbit ears more seasonally appropriate?
High as shit. I just described caramel syrup on crackers to my mom for 15 minutes...
Stumbled across a pregnancy test in my closet. Oh, the freshman year flashbacks..
I miss forts and drugs that made me believe in unicorns...
its hard to say precisely how it happened, but the next thing i knew i was on top of a mountain
My bookbag can hold 30+ beers. They shoulda put that on the tag bc its a big selling point
He literally shouted this Viking war cry when he cam. Then as we laid there he sang me the most beautiful rendition of " When Irish Eyes are Smiling". I've never been more confused.
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