ps i'm pretty sure i was blacked out when we hooked up? good thing i was w. you and not an actual diddler or an organ harvester
Hahaha. Shut up you were blacked out my ass. U were str8 mixin it up with urs truly like it was ur J-O-B
Dont touch anything! You just got rid of your crabs!
You stressed the importance of not breaking the seal too early... and then proceeded to piss your pants when you sneezed.
you came home soaking wet, and when I asked where your umbrella was, you pulled it out of your bag and were so proud you kept it dry.
do you think a sharp knife would stab through a cheese suit?
you closed your eyes and pointed to a cupboard..there was vodka on the top shelf. your sixth sense is amazing. plus, we convinced the foreign kid you're a booze whisperer
I have to date her we need a place to stay for tailgating
He won't leave and I need to take a shit and vomit, quite possibly at the same time.
Why can't I come over and snuggle you and make you lick my boots
I am now "wine pairing" tums flavors with my strongbow, because apparently hard cider gives me heartburn.
My disapointment is making my balls hurt :(
COCAINE IS GR8
On a scale of 1-10 I’m at biblical violence
I think my stomach is breaking up with me. It's giving me back everything I ever gave it.
So my best friends wedding ended with everyone seeing me getting eaten out behind the forbes church. Classy!
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