How long do you think herpes can live on chapstick?
i just sat at a stop sign for 10 minutes waiting for it to turn green. i need to STOP SMOKING THIS SHIT.
i just walked with a girl who was carrying a chair down the street. apparently she got mad at the bartender and took the bar stool when she left.
I'm sooo using this pickup line: "Baby, its not the 2.5 inches... Its the 200 pounds behind it"
get to allyx's house asap
Ok is everything ok
Yeah, theres just lesbians
omg yes on my way
And to think..we used to do everything sober...
I HAVE A BLACK EYE FROM A DILDO!! IM GETTING MARRIED TOMORROW! THIS IS NOT A MISSUNDERSTANDING!
like seriously. this whole place is the shit. like i can move clouds. no other way to explain it but i can fucking move clouds.
What kind of gift says "I'm sorry you accidentally stuck your hands in my puke (even though you should know better by now)"?
This is not 2004 anymore. It's not acceptable to get fingered while watching 'Ferngully' in a basement full of your friends.
Someone should make a valentines day card that says "I like the way you continuously consume thc with no concept of a limit other than drug supply" Because I'd send that to you.
Lol if he questions who I am I'm gonna send him a pic of his boxers
I think that's the first time I had "ass rimming" scroll across my phone at work
I just want cinnabon and vodka.
You have a husband. I have a bag full of electronics. This, is the single life.
Randomize
