apparently it's not kosher to shit in a litter box when there's a line for the bathroom
I'm basically sure i was the reason for glitter on his penis
so he tried marking my clit with a sharpie so he could "find it again next time".
I have eleven tally marks and an infinity sign drawn on my wrist in permanent marker. Senior bar crawl stole my liver.
She was about to go down when you guys iced me. Thanks bro
I was carrying him baywatch style into my place because he passed out.
I still think he fell and scraped his elbow and lost his credit card buying 8 hot chocolates for hobos
My brother didnt wanna sleep with her because she was my friend. Did I miss the memo where we're not supposed to be fucking each others friends? Oh well too late.
I should've realized you were drunk when you began to point at my crotch while yelling "Funland!!!"
he'll always be the guy that i fucked on the bathroom floor
He reached a whole new level of creepy. We were getting a coffee and he noticed the girl at Starbucks name tag looked her up on fb and friend requested her right there without ever introducing himself
I can't hang out tomorrow. A boy wants to feed me ice cream and touch my boobs. Priorities.
I just took a plan B pill with my preworkout. That's the level I'm on today.
He told me that he wants to fuck me only wearing a princess tiara...How could I possibly say no to that?
If not, I can murder my liver twice...it's like a cat, it has 9 lives
Randomize
