I really like you and I'm tired of just hooking up. I want you be my boyfriend.
Uhh, I'm not breaking up with my girlfriend to be with you.
If I go to jail what happens to my debt?
You dont have to pay it.
I'm going to jail.
I had a dream once that juice was flowing out of my kitchen faucet
george bush was a better president for first pitches than barack obama. there. i said it.
Gotta love hanging with Nat. By the time guys realize she isnt going home with them, they've spent enough money and time to think I'm a good idea.
I'm worried I'm going to miss my flight so I set a series of alarms on my phone to act as checkpoints to make sure I'll be there. 2am-stop drinking; 4am-stop fucking stephanie, get some sleep; 5am-wake up, fuck stephanie once more; 6am-get to the airport
Apperanlty I was screaming "It's hard to swim with a broken ankle sir" and then tackled the lifeguard. The joys of blackouts
Dude, it could be so much worse. That Dale kid lost a toe I think.
your sister totally cock blocked me last night don't even think about inviting her to taco night
So you're mad that you saw a penis at a swinger's party? That's rational
She went to her drug test stoned.
And strangely enough, we all know she'll pass it.
thanks again for a nice night (and please don't fuck my boss)
You know it's time to call it a night when every guy in the bar (all 3 of them) have seen you naked at one time or another.
Smoking weed with a blind guy, don't worry he's chill.
i smell like vinegar and tequila i can feel the old people behind me judging
Randomize
