What can I say...he's packing some serious heat down there. You wouldn't expect that looking at him, huh?
I guess God knew he was going to be bald...
woke up with a sweatshirt on that said "someone special calls me grandma" and a sword. i'm just going to assume that it was a good night
When she was giving me head last night it felt like there was a NASCAR pit crew working on my dick.
you threw up into the pocket of your shirt. which was pretty damn polite
Someone fucked up, the stop Kony day is on 4/20,
honestly i just want a cigarette and someone to go down on me... are you interested in helping with either of those
She's just done the monthly not prego dance around our kitchen
You kept mumbling that you could become one with the carpet as you proceeded to give yourself the worst carpet burn I have ever seen
he said "be careful" then handed me a cheezit...
Vodka and Jamison is not a mixed drink
Date #3: He brought me a mason jar full of organic weed that he grew on his property. Will you be the witness when we sign our marriage license?
sidebar: i fucked your brother last night
Do me a favor and don't mention him I feel like Regina George and I just want to scream I made him
All I remember is being lured out to sit by the fire by you holding a piece of pizza in front of me
Honestly, I am sitting in my room watching Ciara videos and thinking I am super jealous of how she rides it.
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