I just got called an ass for saying no thanks to a Greenpeace solicitor. I don't want the whales to die but I do want Greenpeace to fail. Conundrum.
you definitely held a convo with a hobo
we have a secret handshake
last night some bitch put bruce along with his entire fishbowl in her purse and tried to leave. how drunk do you have to be to steal someone's pet??
Roman Polanski is more welcome at my daughter's birthday party than you are at that bar
i literally paused in the middle of it, turned on my light, pointed to the picture netxt to my bed and go "you hooked up with my roommate too!!! AWWW!" he was so weirded out. i don't think he understands the relationship we have..we share..
i'm satisfied with the level of pretty that his new girlfriend isn't.
Things got outta hand once she told me to water-board her with Patron.
Text me when you wake up so I know you're ok. It's really worrisome to get home at this hour and find 3 men passed out in my room but no you. Love you, goodnight. :-)
She was just a sweet cute intern for us until I saw her naked in my bed the day after the Christmas party
I'm drinking with a guy who apparently blew my dog sitter.
But what I'm actually thinking about is how everyone except me had sex on my bed this weekend and now I'm just sleeping in it with a 7 foot tall blue panda
She looked so much better when u didn't look at her and the music was too loud to hear her
He KNOWS ALL THE WORDS TO "JESUS IS MY FRIEND", I swear if he even tries to pull shit with me I'm becoming an actual nun.
She did what?
Who. The correct term is she did who.
Did you see him? The correct term is definitely what.
Okay so as of now, we may either be coming for one night, two nights, or not at all this weekend. It depends on Laura's toe and if I get my period. Will explain later
Randomize
