Its like fucking yourself in the head with a weed strapon
She says she'll teach me how to make her squirt tonight so yea, I'm bailing again. I'm not sayin sorry since you don't have a better offer.
hey, this is the ginger girl from the party...i've thought about it and I wanna join the american girl drinking team
I should probably go to bed before I start to care about why I started drinking in the first place.
Oh my fucking god you idiot bitch just get here forget about the vodka the fucking cops are looking for you
As the bouncer was escorting you out, you yelled "keep your filthy dick beaters off me!"
So I put a beer on your bed and jumped on th3 other side of the bed like in the commercials. You my good sir, owe me a budweiser that your bed drank.
Seriously, she had fingers that made me thank a god I don't even believe in that I'm gay.
Got a minor my first day of college from the bike police. I'm gonna like it here
I'm pretty sure that's why we have such good sex because we are secretly trying to kill each other
I'm sending lingerie pics that I took yesterday. I fully prepared for this holiday
Why is there multiple peanut butter and toasts stuck to the fridge door?
Remember that time I came to London for 4 hours, got hammered, cried for an hour and then left.
He's my blizzard buddy. We're blowing lines and doing a 3D game of thrones puzzle
After we fucked we sat in bed and watched Charlie St. Cloud and he fed me ice cream. It was probably the most romantic thing I've ever done.
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