Having your wife answer your cell was so lame. Maybe we can talk when you get your phone, your facebook account, and your balls back.
I would go down on you faster than GM stock
I made her cum... she sounded like Ray Romano
I have three paper towels stuck up my vagina. This is not a time to be calm.
I was pretending that it wasn't happening. Until we had to roll down the windows as she was vomiting apologies into a Target bag.
Snorting lines of xanex off the back of my grandparents toilet before church. Thinking of u.
Pretty sure I asked the person at the pharmacy counter in Walgreens to marry me last night. But also remember Rachel Maddow crawling through the TV screen, so my memory might be a bit compromised...
I also found a beer label in my bra and I'm pretty sure you put it there and said "this means I trust you"
She's riding a bike down the street and drinking brown liquor. A pt cruiser is honking at her and she's like I HEAR YOU!!
i wear a size 32DD bra. its basically impossible for me to get a speeding ticket
Please keep in mind you are asking relationship advice from a girl who fucked a guy just because we have the same name. Just keep that in mind.
Can we make 2014 the year of no unsolicited dick pics?
It was great. Except he kept asking me to lick his butthole, I was like firm no
She said she hasn't cheated on me in 7 and a half days and she'd like praise for that.
I just learned that I could drop out of school and spend the rest of my savings on a giraffe are you free this weekend
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