Dual, econ, hell, shiv, aunt, puppy. 1 out of 6. T9 word needs to learn how to cuss like me.
What time do you think the pilgrims started drinking? I want to be as accurate as possible.
new excercise plan: walk a mile get a bj then walk a mile home
the lighter is IN the bong. I don't know what to do
In hindsight buying the pill crusher with my vicodin prescription might have been too much.
I really want to go out tonight but part of me wants to be able to honestly tell the judge tomorow that I didn't
Sober Sundays just aren't working out anymore.
Dong worry about me. I just cashed bottle of wine when I found out he was in town, I'm being dramatic. I'll text you tomorrow when I'm sober and my face stops bleeding
Also I'd like you to set a calendar reminder that goes off every day for you to take 2 minutes to think about what your life would be like without me.
I feel like im becoming the girl who only drunk texts him. I would be in the dog house, if situations like this had dog houses.
No celebraish? But today's the day that Jesus, Bruce Springsteen, and a flock of bald eagles came down from the heavens in fighter jets with electric guitars and M-16s a blazon, saying "Hey America, fuck the Red Coats, it's time to party"
I think my liver has finally had enough and is going all Ashley-Judd-in-a-Lifetime-movie on me.
Just sold our expired ticket for a free night of bowling to a drunk guy downtown for 50 bucks. Ill buy beer on my way home
He said we were going to get fucked up in the woods so here we are
Why did I wake up covered in glitter next to a half eaten cheeseburger?
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