So A**** bought my story about how my hickey was a bruise from wrestling
on one hand i'm glad that i'm not in trouble...on the other hand i realized that the reason i cheat on her is because she is so stupid
he just said he'd buy the porn
its a step up from the last guy
Warning...her vagina is big, like sleeping bag big.
Hey when you come over to pick me up in the mornin bring a camera. This is going to be legendary. Don't knock.... They might cover up
My mom asked what the mark on my neck was - I told her I burned it with a straightener.
She believed that the monsterous hickey on your neck was a burn?
well, not really. but then i reminded her that my sister has yet to take that pregnancy test and she conviniently forgot about my hickey
I'm sorry. I think I have multiple personalities. Or it was the acid. Either way. I'm sorry.
He just asked if I would make his black snake moan. Dating basketball players is not worth the glory
Puked in the hotel lobby and just kept walking. I love mardi GRAS.
i also performed surgery on a chicken burrito from what i can tell from my scissors
The sigh of relief when u realize none of your drunk texts will result in permanent damage
I'm sitting in my 10 am lecture drinking a flask out of a dorritos bag...I think people are starting to notice but I'm already too drunk to care
Why didn't you tell me I was calling her by her sisters name all night?
I just rolled a blunt and took my bra off. I'm not going anywhere.
Clearly you've confused me for someone who has their shit together, and honestly I have no idea how you did that.
I lost my wolf penis dildo in my garage. I should probably find it before I resume my garage sale tomorrow...
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