So there are ramen noodles in the shower you need to explain...
we were frolicking through a fountain of pizza rolls. it was like the best dream i ever had
You left half a beer on someones car and claimed it was a second day of hanakuh gift
Dude just bought condoms some sad fuck next to me buying a pregnancy test he gave me a look like he'd pay me millions to switch places
His roommate just snorted a line of Smirnoff off the desk. I could really fit in here.
If you were wondering whether I accidentally FaceTime called the undergrad who works for me in lab during a particularly graphic blow job last night, then the answer is yes.
woke up to a family dragging me under their beach umbrella, they poured water on me bc they "thought I was dead" then fed me quesadillas and nursed me back to health... gotta love Cabo
You have not lived until you've puked on your sequined UGGs in the Rite Aid parking lot while going to buy emergency contraceptives.
im on the hungover til tuesday pabst blue ribbon diet
If someone made a breakfast cereal that was a cross between lucky charms and fruity pebbles and called it unicorn power with a huge fucking rainbow and a unicorn standing in a pot of gold on the box, they would be rich. Not only monetarily but spiritually as well...
Did you cry?
I don't think so. I definitely lost my cool though
Yeah i think jesus would lose his cool in that situation
what's your room number? I've never been there sober...
I'm pretty sure my munchies are the only reason Good and Plenty is still around
He showed up on school grounds wearing nothing but a suit of armor. Really at this point I'm more impressed than angry.
Make a note to pack something that won't catch shell casings in your cleavage
Randomize
