Umm I'm too high to move.
I just spent twenty minutes with brandons dad explaining why head isnt typically considered sex...can we say awkward?
Fun fact: tonight on intervention was the guy who did my tattoo
I wish all the girls i wanted to sleep with knew how big my dick was then id have a better chance
I'm afraid to text her because most of the time she just replies with "cockblock."
You're fine
I'm hiding in my chest because my walls smell weird. I'm not fine.
Apparently throwing balloons filled with vodka off the roof is considered terrorism.
There's a bag in my room with garbage, a thong, fritos, and an electrical cord. I'm assuming it's yours
........yyyyyyeah that's me
Beer is acceptable at 830am if it's your bday, right?
That works. I won't care. I'll be a mermaid. Mermaids don't give a fuck.
Especially drunk mermaids.
Who knew wearing a toga outside would provide for and infinite amount of dick to choose fron
Congratulations! You can now legally do that thing you said you never do again!
THANKS! I'M SO EXCITED TO NOT DO THE THING
OMG YOU GO OUT AND NOT DO THAT THING, GIRL! I SUPPORT YOU 100%!!!
I admit it could have gone better but look at it this way, since I broke the urn you don't have to worry about spreading the ashes.
I'm drunk and he's still weird.
Next thing I know her tits are out on my desk. It was straight out of a porno. What was I supposed to do I’m not made of stone
Randomize
