I'd rather drink alone in my closet than hang out with that girl
Hehe I wanna Australian kiss.. Its like a French kiss but down under ;)
she says her boyfriend and her dignity are both out of town tonight
Do you think this abandoned cigarette has herpes? cuz I'm tempted.
He shit in the bushes next to the pool at the Venetian, after throwing up in the hallway. You really can do anything in Vegas.
Dude with the Beatles haircut just got his pilots license and wants to take us up to do a case race mid flight. Don't tell me networking is unnecessary.
just fought my dog for the chicken pie I dropped on the floor.
If turning my entire backyard into a slip-n-slide is wrong then I don't wanna be right
Just once, I'd like to hook up with a girl that doesn't look like she's having a near-fatal seizure when I give her an orgasm.
Considering adding a large amount of vodka to my tomato cup-a-soup at work. Save me.
We found him in the neighbors shed using a bicycle as a blanket. We just left him there.
Are there any rules against fucking the hot TA?
Maybe for her....
Her problem, not mine
I only get hit on by people going through their midlife crisis. Yes, I did purposely write that gender neutral.
Ok I'm drunk as fuck already at 529 and this waitress started flirting with me, I wanna bang her for acknowledging my existence
However, you did manage to order seven different drinks while fingering her at the packed bar - it was like watching the pizza men pound the dough in the windows
Randomize
