So how come you never look me in the eyes anymore when we make love?
she says her boyfriend and her dignity are both out of town tonight
If you're on a tempurpedic mattress do you think you can feel if someone is jacking off right next to you?
Getting a high five from your dog when you're stoned is one the greatest rewards of being a pet owner.
I mean we're not committed. He's my first choice, sort of like miller lite. When I'm at the bar I'm going to order one, but if they don't maybe I'll go for a bud or blue moon. I'm certainly not going to stop drinking
You guys were grinding to YMCA. I knew you were going to hook up with him.
I honestly don't know what my boundaries are, but shitting on me is crossing them.
Sign out of Gchat. Right now my gchat list is entirely girls I've slept with.. and you. You are fucking up my gchat chi.
my longitudinal study of the long term effects of sloth and alchol-intake is nearly complete.
so you are graduating this semester.
Best feedback on my performance so far: "There are things that can't be unseen."
I'm excited I love mornings when I'm not sober
At least life still wants to fuck me.
also I was promised more toga parties by popular media
Do NOT approach him. He has sex with everything. LITERALLY everything, and I DO mean everything. He's so horny we once caught him with his dick in a pumpkin. A legitimate honest to God pumpkin that he bored a hole in
I went to the hospital to have my arm checked out, and they already knew the story. They gave me props for posting photos on facebook before even coming to the hospital.
Randomize
