Good seeing you too. Don't worry, you didn't miss out on too much last night. We went to a place where there was supposed to be a wet t-shirt contest, but it was more like two ugly girls dancing around on stage in white shirts. Everyone just wanted them to leave so the band could keep playing
This threesome is so guaranteed that dinner feels like a charade
I scrubbed the bathroom, smoked a bowl, and gave myself 3 orgasms. If the world ends today, I feel accomplished.
After being his wingman last night, I've decided I will never talk about becoming a lesbian ever again. Picking up chicks is way too hard.
I was on my way last night when some asshole yelled "make better life choices" out the window of his car. I felt so self conscious I went home.
he told me it was nice to see me not blacked out mumbling to myself in the front seat, I told him it was nice to see him not in handcuffs.
Denial and avoidance are my survival strategies for 2013.
Denial, avoidance and beer.
I successfully convinced a drunk NDSU student that their school does not have a football team and another that they weren't in Fargo. I'm a dangerous sober shark in a sea of drunks.
You sternly pointed at him and declared that you would ride his cock until the early dawn.
Then, you ate a turkey sub, went into his room
A duck just looked me in the eye whilst I peed in a lake. I feel so dirty.
I'm definitely not at Wal-Mart eating jalapeno poppers with an elevated blood alcohol content
No, dude...I agree it's great in theory but I promise you that 80 drunk 21 year old sorority girls together in one room for formal is one of the worst drama filled ideas ever. Ever.
What's the point of bringing a Jack and Coke to work if my boss is just gonna piss and moan about me day drinking again?
There was one thing about my NYC trip I forgot to tell you: I took a dump in Trump Tower
I wore my lizzie mcguire socks to the bar last night. Because that's how i get all the ladiez
Randomize
