If you're going to watch porn, can you atleast be considerate and watch it on my old laptop and not the new one?
First time i ever had an awkward silence during sex.
he asked me to eat out his asshole. after five minutes of uncomfortable staring i realized he was serious.
ya i found him eventually. hes the only one who drinks guiness so I just had to follow the darkest green puke trail
Hey fuck you and your taint. I'm just riding a canoe called life, back the fuck off. P.s. I need a ride
I am just going to stick my boobs out and hope for the best
Queso dip and pictures of Daniel's penis. It's like the last days of Rome over here.
Is it sad that I have better conversations with his roommate before or after sex than I do with him in general?
i’m not very adjusted to having free time. for example, I forgot how much fun it is to masturbate.
so when he he finally wandered back into the room it was with a pound of cream cheese which he ate in 5 minutes flat and then passed out
What's clit gel and why is it in my wallet.
A 'Bear Fight' is a car bomb followed by a Jaeger bomb. Fuckface and I do those on slow days. Tonight, we did a 'Polar Bear on Fire'. Fireball, a bear fight in the middle, and end with rumple minze.
I made friends at the beach bars tonight. Several were worried for my well being.
bring the pregnancy test and the margarita mix, see you in 15
Damn that brownie almost kicked my ass. I'm not sure if my flight home lasted 10 minutes or 10 days..
Oh man I missed being single! Two different guys just sent me dick pics during my kid’s little league game.
Randomize