Here's a fun fact your kittens ate my vomit last night
It just feels so wrong throwing away the condoms into her Hello Kitty trashcan
They should try giving mcdonalds to cancer patients because it just cured the worst hangover ive ever had
I managed to lose everything but my socks.. which stayed on all 6 times we had sex.
The guys had to come into the bar bathroom and pep talk us all off the floor
His concept of male bonding is doing lines in adjacent stalls.
Okay good. And who the fuck put a condom on my foot. That shit hurt
It's ok. Rob's just shotgunning upside down.
I can't break up with him, I ran the math. Taking into account his 7 inch penis and the standard deviation from average, almost 90% of guys should have a smaller penis than he does.
Really? Penis math? This is why guys shouldn't date female engineers.
woke up outside on the porch naked surrounded by beer cans with a towl around my neck. i must be in heaven cause i've never seen this place before.
"I wasn't planning on buying a chicken, but I bought it anyway." --some guy on the bus with a chicken
"Yeah, I only have nine toes." --that same guy
He's a psychology major, so instead of becoming a stripper, I'm just working out my daddy issues with him. And his cock. And spankings.
They're much more educational now btw. Don't judge.
She's like the Jonah Hill of sorority sisters.
It smells like grilled cheese and sexual frustration
If it's any consolation she turned out to be has a collection of clown dolls she talks to crazy. And the cops knew why I was calling when she key locked the door from inside.
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