I can't breathe out the right side of my face
I'm good, just tired from chardonnay and giving hand jobs.
Just saw a man in a wheel chair using his feet to push himself backwards through a crosswalk... good morning Atlanta
I'm drunk in class and I'm pretty sure the bible freak behind me is saying a prayer for me
I've never seen so many strippers at a funeral...
No she hasen't showed up to my place yet, last I heard she was puking as she was walking without stopping near the park.
Only you would think wine and coffee was an acceptable finals study time mix
If I EVER wake up with two black eyes again you better come up with a better story than trying to see how many punches I could take.
Standing in my kitchen eating choc chip cookie batter from the bowl. As sad as it is, I kinda like the places bad breakups take me.
So like, boobs.
are you really going to start every conversation like that?
If all that ever happens between us is orgasms and dank memes, I think I'd be okay with that.
I DONT HAVE THE SOCIAL SKILLS TO EXPLAIN THAT YOU DIED EATING MY PUSSY
Thanks for letting me cross "getting high at park with children" off my bucket list
It was a "have 911 on speed dial" kinda night
so i realized that he's only my physical relationship and beer is my emotional relationship...
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