He was sucking on my finger.... and it was at that moment that I thought: Man. I wish I had a penis.
i an so hammered right now. I'm about to pass out but i just found the lion king dvd and i'm so happy words don't even describe.
I'm gonna name my first kid mufasa regardless if It's a boy or girl
we're ranked number 5 for having the most pot in the country for a university school. idk if i should feel worried or just plain blessed.
You were rubbing your foot on one of your legs and kept saying, "My sock feels like a waterslide!"
a kid who worked there came up to me and let me know you were sitting in the bathroom sink. he said it was fine, so i just kept checking on you.
He did the "not my house dance." Apparently it involves spreading cereal on the floor and then grinding into the carpet in bare feet while singing "not my house" over and over and dancing.
Bren left me with a lovely parting gift. Newfouund alcoholism. I'm on the kitchen floor, hugging a bottle of vodka. It's my only friend now.
Do you think that my Facebook profile picture kinda look like im being raped by a 10 foot polar bear ?
Well that's the first time I've woken up with wet jorts
I forgive you, at least you vote. I found out my fuck buddy isn't even registered. I won't fuck a non respectable citizen.
well. can officially check "get caught having sex on the front porch by the neighbors" off the bucket list.
I was drunk and really grossed out when you poured cheese on me and, I guess I just freaked out.
Who the fuck stole my fridge again
Everything is bullshit and I hate everyone
We need a kiddie pool and lots of cornstarch
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