I dont abuse you, i just hit you while we have sex
i killed an earwig and left its corpse on the wall as a warning
Cute you're picking friends over dick. I feel like this is the trailer for a lifetime movie.
High as balls & about to be tanning. Helloooo 15 minute vacay.
i threw up on the table at the pizza place and peed in her room mates closet. i wouldnt invite me back either
Tim said I dropped my taco in a puddle and still ate it.
Does making ice cubes at 4 in the morning count as being productive?
you took my bottle from me saying i was unprepared for its magical qualities. then you buckled it in the backseat.
Freshman Move In Day, its like Christmas in August.
Dude, how the hell did you become an RA?
I'm ultimately at thr Shariton to drink and ppssibly puke on fancy shit. Thats my story and Im sticking to it.
Im shrooming at the foot of a tree on top of a mountain. Feeling fly as fuckin socrates and bon iver.
He called me on my way to the bathroom and told me he wanted to hear me pee my beers out... That. Drunk.
Because drinking and showering don't go hand in hand. There that's my PSA of the day.
Explaining that I bought them at a strip club gift shop with my friend didnt make the furry handcuffs seem less weird
I almost forgot to feel shameful, if that answers your question.
Randomize
