Is it weird if i grunt like Tim Taylor when im having sex AND grilling steaks??
you left a note on your car that said " please dont tow, im to drunk to drive. safety first!"
Idea for the cake. Joints for candles. Do it.
Let's enter the circle of trust. Are we there yet? Ok. If I somehow hypothetically slept with Amandas ex husband...on a scale of one to ten...how bad is that?
I just sent her mug shot out in a mass text because I hate her and her cocaine eyes are hilarious.
I just came inside of a Gatorade bottle. That hungover.
I'm drunk in a place called Lick-A-Chick. PS. It's not a lesbian hot spot, they sell chicken.
I mean, with your nipple problem im surprised. #hangacoatonem
why am i naked
you took off your clothes at the party and some guy took them home
You can't just walk around stealing hats from drunk boys and peeing in bathtubs. Turn down.
sex in a hospital.. check
I've had sex to the movie Tommy Boy too many times to be acceptable.
My apologies. I'll try not to let my dick interfere with official work duties in the future.
i didnt realize that your first thought would be SEXUALIZING BREAD
Sorry I steam cleaned at 1:30 in the morning and that i'm such a drunk dumb child. On the bright side, my carpet has ever looked better.
Randomize
