help me. he won't leave me alone. he just licked my ear and he's so drunk. get him off me. we're in the closet. help.
apparently i was offering everyone ambien and shouting, it's only like heath ledger if you want it to be!
I feel that the whole multiple orgasm thing is god's way of saying "sorry for the childbirth deal"
you ever wonder how lesbians feel about girls being in relationships with other girls on facebook? could it annoy them more than it annoys me?
Im holding a competition......who saw me last, and who knows how my nose got bruised? you earn points for answering either question. and for bringing me water.
I have been running off of weed, alcohol, and Mexican food. What is Tallahassee.
He held me the entire night. Not endearing kind of way. Like kidnapping or held hostage kind of way.
We were all definitely blackout with drunk goggles on, even though you and Amanda were the only ones dressed up as it.
I'm taking a leave of absence and sending myself to fat camp. I'll let you know when I'm out.
Sweet tea and masterbation. It's how I manage.
The bottle of Wild Turkey is empty and there is a pile of wet cement in the garage. What happened?
I'm going to write a horror movie. It's going to be called "Fat People on a Squeaky Bed" and it's going to feature me laying in bed last night listening to my overweight roommate and her fat boyfriend tossing and turning all night
I yelled out "blow jobs!" in my macroeconomics class. Ask me more about how my life is spiraling out of control.
you were screaming "I don't need a shirt!" repeatedly while in the process of taking it off and flashing the bouncer. we got kicked out. thanks a lot.
I think every girl deserves a pregnancy scare. Because then it just feels like such a priviledge to be bleeding out of the vagina.
I legit just did a jig towards my box of tampons.
Randomize
