The shirt is mine, the pants are mine, the bra not so much
Day 3 of Lent and I would already kill a puppy if God would give me permission to masturbate
i chipped my tooth tryin to cut thru her pantyhose. that stuff is bulletproof.
She agreed that we could have sex whenever I wanted and I could let someone else meet my mom.
After much deliberation I've decided to name my penis "Arthur", hope your mom's surgery goes well.
What a dumb baby whore.
Oh, and I'm only keeping her around till spring. Doing the hunt for cunt is too tough in 12" of snow.
I really want to lead this Amish guy into temptation
I just power puked in the office bathroom.. blew blood vessels in my eyes and now I'm ready for a donut.... success
Jerry got outside again, i found him making dirt angels in the garden. I need to put a bell on that bastard.
I found us a new booze connection and I'm writing college admissions essays. The future is bright.
Explaining that I bought them at a strip club gift shop with my friend didnt make the furry handcuffs seem less weird
Hold on, I'm taking nudes in a blanket fort right now
The minute he showed me his Mumford and sons tattoo is the minute i could literally feel my pussy dry up
Yeah apparently i called the bartender a "fucking prison warden" after she took my keys and called me a cab
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