When he brought me into his room he showed me his James Bond calendar and matching sheets, and then told me that his goal in life is to be James Bond….epic fail. Mission Impossible. I was scared to take off his boxers to find out that they were also James Bond themed.
RUN LIKE YOUR JAMES BOND
and you said cock pushups were impossible
Big sunglasses are the new paper bag
ya. and they're way easier to confince girls to wear during sex
he sent me a naked picture of himself. things got awkward really quickly. but on a positive note he shaved his chest
I just puked in the mop bucket at work. I think I need to go home.
I was about to watch some really classy porn. Title was ravenous for dick. I didnt know pornstars knew ravenous was a word.
he calls his bong barack obonga, commander in kief. i found where i belong.
i fucked her mom dude
there's something to tell the kids
Why did I think it was so necessary to steal that rolling pin?
Welp I just blew a load probably the size of a small pond if not a lake
Who the fuck is this
Well I don't think you can suck his dick while he's making pizza. I think that goes against some health codes.
but, alas, I am not the lady in the streets. I'm simply the freak in the sheets.
Get off the floor, put away the cookie dough, get ur shit together Scott.
Aww his grandma died? That's sad! No mourning sex!!! That doesn't lead to good things!
I don't know what it is about this quarantine, but I have never written this much smutty fanfic in my life and I am loving it!
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