I didn't black out, the guy in the Men In Black costume erased my memory
There's a girl in front of me with a see through white shirt on and her back says I suck bad dick. Fun night hun?
How the fuck did I get small bruises all over my body?
Well you were laying on the couch naked after the girls left, staring into space, and I went over to the pool table and threw every ball as hard as I could at you from point blank range . You didn't flinch, blink, or scream for any of them. next time maybe you won't fuck my girl while I'm taking a shit
i spelled "betch" that way on purpose, don't question my abilities as a drunk texter
I found those 18 whoppers we bought.
all i remeber is falling off a fence and banging him in the middle of the street, not sure which one gave me this cut
Passing out during sex is actually quite pleasant. its like being rocked to sleep with a penis
I need a leash, or some shame. Maybe.
So this is where people who peaked in high school come to drink?
What did he say?
NOTHING. GODDAMN HIM AND HIS MAGICAL PENIS!
If I was home I'd be ouija boarding the fuck out of the house, haven't been this high since that day
and the oscar for 'most creative swearing' goes to you for 'jesus's bloody fucksticks'
These cutoffs are too tight but my ass looks like Freedom
I don't know what to do with my life other than going on Reddit and watching porn.
Pretty sure keeping my vibrator in the same drawer with the weed makes it work better. I fall asleep almost immedi
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