she was hot for a redneck and i dont look at teeth
you know how you have to have just the right ratio of chips to sandwich? same goes for pubes.
My 11 year old cousin is wearing a Jane Austen fan club t shirt. I'm trying not to tear into her, but I'm five coronas deep and losing control.
so she called me drunk and made me stay on the phone with her while she puked.
Put your dick on his face to wake him up, dont worry its fine.
Things I love twice as much when drunk: Taco Bell. Office chairs that roll. Classes.
you just kept yelling "siddle that plaza" til the cab driver said it back...
my six pack is really starting to show since I started fucking everything that moves
I'm so hungover I literally am considering drinking from the fishtank to avoid getting out of bed.
I feel like when purchasing hard liquor on a Monday I also need to buy a happy 21st bday card to not seem so pathetic
Do you think you're physically and mentally capable of killing me? Because I'd really appreciate it.
I almost lit my balls on fire tonight.
Nothing like banging your nurse in the shower while staying in the hospital
I was on top for a full on make out when in dead silence "I'm moaning Myrtle" came from the TV. Moment ruined. I got cock blocked by a fictional ghost
In my life time, I want nothing more than to get a blow job while watching Space Jam.
Randomize
