she lunged for my junk like it was the cure for swine flu
yeah i just made her a character on oregon trail and i hope she gets dysentry and dies. that'll show her.
You American Chicks are so confusing....1 day you are on my nuts next day you be trippin
Dude its not just American chicks...a small penis is the same in every language
you made pancakes with beer, you said they were good. then you threw up 15 minutes later
my mom just found my flavored lube in the basement. she gave me a lecture about how "giving head is degrading" omg i feel sooooo bad for my dad
The bartender gave me the kids toys. Paddle ball & a gecko.
Dad, is it in any way illegal for me to run around throwing handfuls of lucky charms at people tomorrow?
you're kidding right?
Rule number one to being a good adult: don't use your vagina as an icebreaker. Just some wisdom I thought I'd pass down from experience.
It's that moment where you find out the girl you've been dating for 6 months is a mob daughter. Post breakup.
Just dodged a state trooper, your weed will be there shortly. Fear the unbustable!
You should not have followed "the guy who peed in my bed" with "he smells good."
If a clean cut ginger with a flannel and tattoos shows up at the apartment, he is allowed inside.
He stopped me mid blowjob and asked me to take off my hat. He said it made him feel like Neil Young was going down on him.
Her handjob consisted of slapping me in the balls. I am never hooking up with her ever again ever.
on a scale of one to ten where does vomming from being hungover during a professionalism lecture fit
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