Chick stood right next to me in the elevator. Like she had the whole elevator and she stood right next to me. So I farted.
Climbing onto the roof in a dress and high heeled boots was probably not the best idea, especially after all that Bacardi.
Dont forget the glove box taco bell stash i saved for drunk us.
i just remember explaining why my socks were better than everyone elses.
I feel like i could break down a fucking wall with this boner
Soooo, coming over soon?
He was having a "party in the princess castle." At what point do I blindfold him and take him to AA?
Being at this stripclub only reinforces how single I am. And I was *just* becoming okay with that.
You know you gotta reevaluate your life when the first thought that comes to mind after you wake up is 'at least I'm still alive'
And please let him know I don't normally go off on long rants about feminist theory. That was totally the vodka talking.
Also I just sneezed literally 12 times in a row so violently...boogers everywhere. Sorry to ruin the sexting. I just felt like you had to know
with great strapon comes great responsibility.
im not letting a little injury get in the way of my alcoholic/drug problems. we ARE getting turnt tonight.
I don't know about this Sanders guy after all. I'm voting for MYSTERY BABYLON, WHORE OF ALL THE EARTH
Hillary?
What the fuck i just wanna eat my froot loops and sext in peace. Y'all motherfuckers gotta be loud as shit and break my concentration
woke up to two girls crawling on top of me forcefeeding me bacon. Best. Hangover. Ever.
Randomize
