I don't know whether I should be pissed that there's glitter in my bed or proud that there's semen in there too.
Jeremys mom is here. I gave her mad jello shots and now were griding. ima give it to her: ultimate payback for him fucking my gf.
but why does your life always sound like the plot of a porn?
You went from loaded cattleman, to football player, to better football player, to art major from Missouri. Your future was looking so good for a while.
I legitimately forgot how to blow my nose just now. Sleep might be handy.
How am I feeling this morning? Well, besides the fact that my vagina looks like a pair of giraffe's lips and I'm walking like an over-confident cowgirl, I'm fantastic. Thanks for your concern.
You know you're sufficiently drunk when the 411 dude just says, "Fuck it! I'll Google that shit for you, what movie do you want to see?" and proceeds to give you showtimes for 3 different theatres.
oh I'm washing fake blood out of my bra.
I NEED to hang out with you more
Their first impression of me was that I was completely naked. So yeah college hasn't even started yet and I'm already that person.
Well, I was asked to leave the Waffle House for "being to physical" so I think that option is off the table
I just wanna get high and take a fucking awesome nap. Those are my goals for the week.
Dude. She was wearing nothing but Wonder Woman panties and a flag for a cape and sneaking around leaving PBR's by passed out people for the morning. She called herself the 'Merica Fairy.
Why haven't you proposed already?
I'm making myself the patron saint of bisexuality
honestly if there were pictures of last night i would be embarrassed.... im embarrassed without pictures
Broken heels while double fisting margaritas, picking up shirtless, bloody men and escorting them out of harms way, the meltdown when I realized I can go without a bra bc my boobs shrunk, the morning vodka red bull you were forced to drink? Which one roped you in?
Randomize
