I will one day have loud vengeance sex as my revenge against you. Until then I'm just going to sit in the living room playing John Mayer while you're trying to do it.
they bought blue cups instead of red...wtf how am i supposed to pretend im on laguna beach??
she said she'd blow me if I bought one of her sorority raffle tickets. Goddamn it's gettin easy
It's happening again. I feel like I'm under water and my heart beat matches "Teenage Wasteland"
dude. we need more in our fridge then just beer and applesauce.
We did lines off of a Whitney Houston CD case. That makes everything okay.
I want to apologize in advance for texting you a picture of my penis tonight.
u r missing out we r watching a tranny direct traffic in a gstring
Your christmas gifts are already wrapped, how on top of my shit am I?
I'm hungover as fuck and had to break into my own house by throwing a cinder block through my back door at 4am. You're more on top of your shit than me.
So apparently there is enough alcohol to get me to agree to going to a strip club, but when I have enough they don't let me in.
She said I'm going to get you stoned and have you fuck me on the couch.
In fairness you've introduced me to a lot of people I've only met once, for like 5 seconds, while drunk
Nothing says "i love you" more than flowers and potatoes
Did you apologize to him for the trip to the strip club as a first date or is that something that just gets swept under the rug??
And tell your penis that we can hang out tonight for sure.
Randomize
