So I thought I was slick leaving his room this morning all incognito. Little did I know I was wearing his football jersey with his name across the back... stilettos & my bra was left behind. never seeing that again
i just spent an hour trying to convince my blind date that star wars is better than star trek. help me
No, that was before the police came, but after the hooker.
Ask politely.
Fine. Can i please come over, hang out with you, sit around a campfire, smoke tree, listen to sublime, and fuck the shit out of you?
Thats good enough.
Man in California was arrested for killing and eating a wild bobcat while high on crystal meth. Let's please NEVER get that high on anything...
He rode a broom down the stairs while we were mattress surfing. Naked. Buck ass naked. WTF
just puked a little into my hand/sleeve. way too hungover for the first day of class
don't pay it forward
I eont pay shit forward. told a stranger to call an abulance and peaced
It was like getting a handjob from a frost giant
I just watched how this is made for an hour because I was tooo high to remember what they were making. it was like a prize at the end.
I like making it seem like it's at least a little bit difficult to hook up with me
The whorange rubbed off. His white shirt was so gross at the end of the night I told him to frame it.
Just told my shrink " this was a year for whoring around"
Just wiped the ashes off my forehead before he came over to have sex. Definitely going to hell.
Im pretty sure breakfast wine is a thing, and if it isn't, I just invented it
Randomize
