Peach margaritas. And fuck whatever you're about to say, the girl to guy ratio is like 6:1. I need those odds
when i came out to my mom, it was over brunch. i was eating a banana. not exactly my smartest breakfast choice.
He's throwing up in my bed and I'm not even getting fucked for this
She was stumbling around looking for her cat. She said i could help, but i had to call him by his jungle name
She's dipping the chocolate graham crackers in marshmallow vodka for a 'campfire taste'
He told me he doesn't want to fuck anymore because he needs to focus on school. Either he grew a vagina or he's secretly gay, it has to be one of the two.
If it wasn't for the fact that I drink during my lunch break I'm pretty sure I would have quit this job by now
We fucked so hard and loud that the everyone at the party downstairs starting chanting his name. Oh I we broke a lamp.
Haha, how do I word that nicely? "You got me to the edge of no return twice and failed to let me orgasm, therefore you owe me chicken nuggets or hot wings. Your decision"
Woke up with chlamydia and a bruised rib. I'd say my boss is gonna be mad about me not showing up to work, except you know.. it's her fault.
Hahaha more like walk of pride. You entered the lions den last night.
What color nail polish screams, "Either fuck me or get the hell out of my way"?
Just opened my sisters laptop to "cute places to lose my virginity" googled last
Question: anytime during the past week did I drunk dial you and give you full permission to grab my boobs? Cus I know I said it I just don't remember who I said it to...
I've been drunk texting you for weeks, and you watched me puke outside your house... I say it's time we meet in person.
Randomize
