But regardless, you really stood out last night, you should give me a chance
Sorry but you seem like a potential womanizer
I start off june hungover/still drunk stumbling down my driveway with the trashcan at 6am..it's gonna be an interesting month
Ahhh... Adderall running out my nose in the shower really brings back memories.
Well that's not true. She had two social skills. She kept them in her bra
i've eaten like 19 popsicles... what the fuck have you done today?
I didn't want to walk to anymore parties because I found a cat. It was magical.
U thinks that's bad? He told me that he had to envision high school wrestling in order to bust a nut with some girl
I mean honestly, I love naps like Anthony Weiner loves sending dick pics
Jesus, you make out with one twin then sleep with the other and suddenly they don't want to play soccer with you... So sensitive...
I have weed and a speedo - I don't need anything else.
he couldn't get a boner so he asked me to sing you shook me all night long to his penis. I think it was weirder that it actually worked
pesky things like morals, self-preservation and cowardice are not needed. overkill is nothing but a word. there will be blood.
How I know that I'm single: when I get a save the date for a wedding & I read "& guest" my first thought was does my bottle of Jack Daniels count.
Okay, yeah, judgmental guy at 7/11. I'm buying g wine at 10:20 in the morning. You wanna fight about it?
would it be okay if I showed up at your house naked? and is your door unlocked?
Randomize
