Sooo i definitely have a major burn on my chin from kenny's ...stubble from making out for hours while coked up. Pure class.
Dear everyone that texted me last night wondering where i was. i ended up face down blacked up drunk before i made it to the party. My bad
She told me she got a 15 on her A.C.T.. that's when I knew it was a done deal.
just so you know, the whole club saw your tits last night. and booed.
going to the gym drunk. fuck whoever made basketball season and getting a spring break ready body in the same season.
first one here with a pint of chicken lo mein, aspirin, and diet green tea ginger ale, gets a full effort bj the day after tomorrow.
I don't deserve a penis
I remember halftime. Then I woke up in Spain. I need a drink in order to process this.
Dad had me doing shots of chocolate mint Everclear last night. I've never felt closer to him.
Did you go to church in Texas and sign me up?
You need southern Jesus
I've sold more douches working here than one man should sell in a lifetime
I just delete my bank app from my phone to have enough storage to download tindr. Is this my life now?
Probably going to live on vodka sodas and fireball shots
God damn. You sleep with one 40 year old married dude and suddenly you have “daddy issues”. Fuck all of you.
We have been dating for 5 months. I'm friends with his sister. Yet my number in his phone is still saved as "hot bartender"
Randomize
