I hraet yuo
did you say you heart me or hate me?
who is this?
I thought I was riding a bike, but I guess it was a vacuum cleaner
how hairy? two words: wookie tits
went to library to start paper due tomorrow & took those orange addys u gave. now realizing they were ur xanax. completely fucked and going to fail, but calmly at peace with the situation.
So it turns out there are pros and cons to having a broken wrist. Pro: I can give amazing blowjobs with my left hand. Con: I just had to open a packet of crisps with scissors.
i just watched a special on porn, the business isn't doing so good. You may want to wait before you start your career
He keeps trying to sell me the forks from his kitchen drawer
it's not like this is the first time she's brought a guy home and I'm the one who hooks up with him
I just found out that I slept with Kate Gosselin's publicist back in June . Brb I have to wash myself endlessly.
Last night I made the hotel shuttle driver take me to Walgreens for birth control, and Pringles.
They were both high priority
Hey Cat, it's Michael. You made out with me for a hot dog last night and I feel super used.
I don't think you understand...I'm really good at getting drunk
I passed out drunk in her bed. Her boyfriend showed up and told me to go to the other room or we were gonna have a threesome. I threw up off the side of her bed and left. I feel like that was an adequate response.
Question: have you ever spent your Tuesday evening helping your one-night-stand create a resume? Because I have...
we had sex while we waited for the thai food... a which will come first type of situation
Randomize
