Henry's handball, Tiger Wood's Car Crash, Roger Federer losing ... That's it....I'm throwing my Gillete away
Thank God. You really dodged a small penis there.
I can hear her blowing you man. All I hear is her saying 'yeah' over and over again.
Dude they have your information. Come back. The sheriffs office is here, they are pissed..please come back otherwise jail is inevitable. Call me
Just took a shot of tequila with a random guy at the supermarket. Happy cinco de fourth.
Just made out with a girl I dated in high school, and she told me her girlfriend likes me. I like where this is going.
Is this one of those "if you didnt give such good head we couldn't be friends" moments?
I'm taking a leave of absence and sending myself to fat camp. I'll let you know when I'm out.
This is what my life has come to. Like, I may or may not have just stolen pizza from the guy I just hooked up with's fridge when I left...
Because she seems like the type to give it up for a box of fruit rollups.
how does someone with a Masters Degree leave poop in an ashtray in the sink? It just blows my mind
holy fucking shit get me out of here. even the babies are wearing beanies
There is a high possibility I will pass out with my hand in a bag of Doritos
Unless it involves a lot of whiskey, an ACDC concert, and a guy named Juan from the Philippines, then I'm not interested.
When I told her I was deaf and took my hearing aids out at night to sleep, she said it must be nice not having to hear drunken roommates having awkward sex late at night.
Randomize
