yo i stole a wine glass from the ritz but i spilled wine on my hundo dolla shirt
she was puking into the toilet drowning herself saying "its okay im a swimmer"
Just facebooked the guy whose name you're yelling in there. So you're aware, his interests include "swearing at babies" and "Ice luge"
you left a note on your car that said " please dont tow, im to drunk to drive. safety first!"
i told them to call me paula dean as i was making all 10 for $10 boxes of pizza rolls in the microwave
After throwing up, the toothpaste tasted so good. Thank you for not letting me eat it.
he just texted me saying he needs a place to stay for the night. pretty sure i just got booty called to my own house...
Milk that cash cow for all the shots she's worth
When asked if they had been introduced, Damo said "No but I know we've pretty much fucked all the same girls in town"
I don't remember anything after falling in the ditch, but I now have confirmation that my rib is broken. Never drinking again.
I woke up with broken tostitos all over my bed and a snap chat of myself flipping off the camera.
All I want is a hot dog on a Saturday at 2:19 is that to much to ask?!
He usually doesnt care about me cumming but last night he really tried, I feel that him going to the Womens March benefitted my sex life
i just called dibs on the taxi driver at the bar that isnt drinking. im a grown up
I am texting my ex and my future boyfriend while eating fish and chips with my current boyfriend... How and when did I become such a terrible person???
Randomize
