its not college until your roomate walks in on you having sex in his bed. twice
It'll be just me and my penis against the world.
Is this girl REALLY making a smoothie in the bathroom right now?
Pitting the remainder of the bottle against my hangover. I'm expecting an all out cage match for my soul and wellbeing.
I was screaming out for people to gather the townsmen and the mayor so we could hang him
Amanda bynes is my spirit animal
Pregnancy test = positive. Hope you still have our old guess who game 'cause daddy elimination begins now.
I'm spending my Sunday wishing the entire Patriots offense would let me touch their manhood
Checking my Tinder matches as I sit here in the waiting room at Planned Parenthood. I can't be stopped.
Fucking suck it up and drink your feelings like a normal human being.
Is it a bad sign starting the new year off naked, wet, and alone?
Asking for a friend of course
What started out as a one night stand ended in him texting me the next day, saying he thought he was gay.
Ok so I need a recap of last night...
YOU SPENT SIX DOLLARS AT NICKEL BEER NIGHT!!! How's that
why the hell are you crying over taco bell?
I tried making my own red bull with crushed up caffeine pills, bubbley water and flintstones chewable vitamins. The ER doctor sead I'm lucky to be alive.
Randomize
