Viking lives by an ancient code of honor that we do not understand.
What code could that possibly be? Bothering the fucking shit out of people while being physically repulsive?
The midget we rented got so drunk last night he got carted off in an ambulance
he put his p in my v, then his p in my a, and then tried to put the p in my m? first, double dipping is rude. second, i'm glad he finished shortly after that, i'm afraid of where he'd try to stick it next. my ear?
NEVER shave your cleavage hair.
you know you made some mistakes when your last two boyfriends are both obsessed with women's curling...
His bookmark is a piece of toilet paper. No shame there.
How many beers are too many "cause it's Archer Thursday" beers?
Remember that time I tried to pierce your nipples while high... it's like that, only with more blood... and less nipples
wow, you never really realize how many muscles you have in your crotch until you pull them all.
At some point tonight the bad ideas in my head became bad decisions that happened outside my head
Btw I'm currently writing a paper in a beer garden. Be proud.
No apologies necessary. Just give me sex and Pop Tarts, and we'll call it even.
I've washed my hands three times and it still smells like Astroglide.
His middle name is Julius so I named his penis Caesar and told him he has to say "Hail Caesar!" whenever he comes. He didn't seem to like the idea, though.
It's not my fault, Tequila turned all my alarms off.
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