What are we going to do tonight?
What we try to do every night. Take over the world
I sharted in my sleep... I didnt even think that was possible.
You're breaking my vagina 4 times a day I reserve the right to know your middle name.
Nothing says "I'm a sorority girl" like puking at 830 in the am, wearing my anti-hazing pin, and getting ready for a tea party.
Favorite thing said to me in 2012: It's like you have two tongues!
Were you keeping a list?
Still breathing?
Still breathing , but quite out of it. I think I hallucinated like 20 action sequences.
What.
Is it morally wrong to give today's hookup a Krispy Kreme from yesterday's hookup or is it just fat love?
A warmed up burrito and jelly beans. The breakfast of champions.
Is it bad that I'm tindering right now? I'm naked on his couch while he's slaving over legal documents for work. And he doesn't have cable, so what else am I supposed to do?
She's passed out laying in the middle of the street. Cars are honking at her and going around her body. We need to stop playing BONECRUSHER.
He's got the good dick trifecta - flip phone, works outside, bed with no headboard.
We moved the bed and she found my vibrator. The entire ride home was a montage of her singing "Are You Lonesome Tonight"
Chick in the kitchen making breakfast.. Yours or mine?
After 25 beers and 3 shots my best friend thought it would be an amazing idea to get his dick pierced. We are on our way.
this kid sitting diagonally in front of me is searching "cheap bongs" on google. hahahhaaha. who does this kid think he is?
Randomize
