Who has a tranny cab driver? I have a tranny cab driver.
how do you have sooo much energy?
billy mays threw in a lil somethin extra when i ordered some oxiclean last week
I feel like I got hit by a truck made out of Jack Daniels.
There is still throw up in my sink from before break. God I missed this place
i believe i can now do shots of gasoline with no chaser. its been that kind of summer.
Would the plural word for douche be deese? "Look at these deese bags"?
Are you high?
You sat there for 20minutes trying to seduce the picture of my dad.
I was up all night on suicide watch. Dave was wasted and tried to strangle himself. With his own hands.
Just had to hide the fact that I'm not wearing underwear from my 7 year old niece.
I asked him if he wanted a pillow, and he replied "No. Batman never had pillows."
Dude, my sex life is so sad since I started having feelings.
Sleeping with just one person sucks
It was 16 hours of liver killing mistake making goodness
My niece I'm babysitting left earlier to stay the night with her friend. I got ditched by an 8 year old.
And you know what the worst part is? Because of him I can now relate to a goddamn Taylor Swift song. FUCK. MY. LIFE.
You know, finding my first grey pube at 34 is FAR more distressing than finding that first grey hair at 13.
I DO NOT FUCKING WANT OR NEED THIS INFORMATION!
Randomize
