Rocking a Headband at the strip club, because of Rock of Love this shit is like their kryptonite, I smell like stripper butter and back child support.
dude did u upper deck my toilet?
haha like two months ago
i cleaned the bathroom like ten times before i realized what the smell was.....i hate u
All you kept saying was "my dick ALWAYS causes problems".
Man, the last time I saw you you were giving me a thumbs up while being pulled out the bar by your belt from some girl.
He literally stopped in the middle of sex to look up sex positions on his iPhone...
did you know that if you have sex in the elevator on the way up that people can still get in?
Luke did at least 8 shots of pure mayonnaise last night. I am not sure if that is better or worse than my 2 cement mixers?
When did we convert life to cartoon?
Well, we won the drunk before noon contest!
He knows whenever I get drunk I'm going to call him and make fun of his major. Its like a reverse booty call.
A thong just fell out of my purse in front of my whole class maybe I should stop using this morning class as my walk of shame
I hooked up with a guy named Quan.. I literally hit the Quan
What started out as a one night stand ended in him texting me the next day, saying he thought he was gay.
I still think he’s a fuckboy but he’s nice to me when I’m over.\nLike sets alarms for me in the morning and always makes sure I cum.
YOUR MANICOTTI IS FULL OF LIES
Sorry i meant to send that to my mom
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