i know ur right I'm sorry I'm stupid and incompitent look I can't even spell incompetent right! Fuck!
It was like a mary poppins bag, except a sexual mary poppins bag.
whatcha mean you cant get rid of genital warts? thats not what my girlfriend says
Life lesson: Don't ever put your penis in a crazy girl. Especially if she's married. And has a kid.
I fucked my boyfriend 15 minutes before my pap test. My gyno probably thinks I hate her.
Also there's a dick sized hole in my tights...should I be worried?
Also, my drunkenly packed sleepover kit consisted of a singular sock, my uncharged laptop, and a pack of post-it notes.
You ass. You're not the one who bought me flowers, so obviously you will not be the recipient of the blow job of gratitude.
next photo in the 'cherished memories' series- Jess's bed. Note the vomit actually UNDER the pillows. shes a genius.
We fucked on a kid's slide, my vagina is singing praises of being used
I mean, I already put pants on today. We're already halfway there
Apparently "Do you want me to ruin your day now or later?" is not a good way to tell someone you're pregnant and it's theirs.
I think I'm still high. And I definitely still smell like lobster, so there's that
Guess who just hooked up with a guy who was wearing a shirt from his mom's "dress up closet"?!
Morning! Got your 3am VM to remind you to get up for spin class and also confirm you were not murdered by the sketchy guy at brunch yesterday. So this is your literal and metaphorical wake up call.
Randomize
