I've decided through careful research we can out drink any country folk.
You think the Elephant Man ever tried to pick up chicks claiming all his appendages were elephant-sized?
She made me repeat after her: "I take responsibility for what I put in my own mouth."
Seriously, I would hit on barney the dinosaur right now if it meant I was going to get laid.
He is offering to pay me back by sending me a dick pic.
.......................................
My thoughts exactly.
Apparently you can talk a girl into leaving the bar and coming back to your tent, who knew?
My walk of shame wasn't complete until I projectile vomited clutching my truck bumper while he just smiled with that look of regret.
I have a 8 minute video of a fish tank on my phone.
We need to stop going to pet stores high.
Speaking of, what are you doing next weekend? I'm going to a rope bondage seminar and may need a partner if my date bails.
When we get drunk one of us ends up running off and fucking someone in an inappropriate place, like the roof of the restaurant, or Greece, while the other convinces people not to worry and not to go looking. That good sir is a real mother fucking friendship.
Thats what I'm talking about
I would have wore underwear last night if I knew I had to change a tire this morning
Ok so I need a recap of last night...
YOU SPENT SIX DOLLARS AT NICKEL BEER NIGHT!!! How's that
All I know is I woke up in the back seat of my car, with the engine on, and my gps navigated to florida.
I got up and left his place at 3am because I remembered I had a burrito in my car.
How do I tell my boss I have slutty fantasies about him, me and his conference room table?
Randomize
